Coming out of my shell.

This post could get personal.

OK.

I'm not going to delete anything that I write here.

If part of your blog /was/ about me, I think you're right.

If it's not then it feels relevant so I'm going to take it as inspiration anyway.

I think you're right.

Now I'm going to try and find out why.

I was going to write this in my personal diary, but I think you have a right to know.

What's been happening recently is I've been cutting the shit people out of my life.  The ones who never helped me, always said "I so would understand.." and then not follow through; the ones who just made me unhappy.  Unfortunately, the one who can change my mood most - yano, the one I'm related to.. - I can't cut the bad bits out of.  because that's now basically half of her.  I want her to be happy but I don't want her to inflict him so strongly on me.  I've not seen him since you said your comments about how my mum's looking at the whole malarchy....

Urgh fuck it.  I'm going to use names and be blunt about what I'm thinking, because that is one hell of a lot easier.

Since you said that my mum probably sees "family" as a way of bringing Dave more into the kinda house-unit-thing, I've not seen Dave.  He's taking my mum away for the weekend.

It's her birthday soon which obviously means he'll be around.  I don't know how to react.

What the hell has that got to do with anything?

I've been cutting myself off.  That's what I was trying to say.

What I think I'm doing is cutting myself off too much; retreating into myself because I don't bitch; don't get pissed off.  Honestly, I think that because I don't have enough to say I'm finding it harder to engage myself in things.

I'm pretty sure it's a stage, not least because I'm not going to actually try and get out of it.

Tell me if it continues.  (That is, without reason.  I am naturally feeling more unhappy more frequently recently, which you've probably gathered, so I find it harder to be more enthused at times.

But as I said: it's a stage.

Have just watched Best of Friends.  It's nice how they're so optimistic: "We'll be best of friends forever"..."It doesn't matter what happens we'll always be there for each other..."

Evn though it often doesn't happen, very often, optimism really is good.

Yay.!

Now, I tihnk it's about time for me to get ready for my exam.  A slow start and calm time will do me good.

Bye all.