Last night.

Last night three things happened.

1. I decided to e-mail the ex-best friend.

Something I need to take off this blog, actually.  I thought about her a lot and really needed to just tell her, as soon as I could, that I was pissed off and she was being no use whatsoever.  She was using me when she needed me and ignoring me the rest of the time.  She would talk to Katya online but stopped talking to me.  If a conversation with someone stops for me and I care about it, I check to see who last commented and what they said.  If it was the other person,  I would comment back.  She does not, as, as far as I can tell, she does not care about me, her 'best friend', then one who was always there.  I never got around to that because of #3.

2. I couldn't be there for her.

I am assuming that some of what you wrote on your blog is directed at me.  But you fail to see that last night I was almost in tears because people can't stop being prats.  I was in no fit state to help myself, let alone you.  I do not know how to change what I say.  That kind of thing is how I work.  The comments I give you.  I try and find examples and whatever of when you've helped, or such.  So you saying "good fucking bye", assuming I just don't care about you and that I can't be arsed with you really pissed me off.  When have I ever not cared?  I always try and be there for you, I just never know what to say.  I know my comments are fucking useless but all I know how to do is listen and say what I do but seriously.  I try so hard to be there for you and it would appear that you don't care.  I'm in a shit mood once so I'm a bad person?  Debatable.

3. That boy.

Last night, I recieved an email from Joe Bardall.  He, in that email, said he had been ignoring me because he was in love with me and didn't know what to say.  He said that he wanted me to know how he feels.  It is all very well thinking that but it is not the way you say anything like that to someone who is in a relationship.  We were talking afterwards and he said at one point "i love u i love u i love u" a lot.  That is just not something you do to someone in a relationship, nor is "leav[ing] them with a kiss"; it's something to be done by a boyfriend to a girlfriend or visa versa, not to someone who thinks someone else is hot.  NO.  He doens't know me at all, and I don't know him.  All I know is that he's weirdly hench because he swims.  He asked me befor he went if I would go out with him if I was single, and said he didn't care if it was a yes or no.  Eff off he didn't.  I said that I didn't know; that I don't know him, and that I was really really close with Jack before doing anything.  That did not go down well; he just left.  Don't get me wrong, I do not think it is wrong to like someone if they are in a relationship.  However, I do think it is completely wrong to approach them in such a way.  The truth is that if I was single I would only go with him because I'd feel so pressured.  The feelings would be one way and that is just a stupid way to have a relationship happen.  It doesn't work.  One person ends up doing all the work, and I wouldn't be suprised if he was the kind of person to simply not bother.  If he saw that he'd say "yes I would!" but seriously.  No.  I don't think he would.  So anyway.  It's just not what you do.  I don't know why I almost cried reading that e-mail.  I guess I thought that I was through it, without him talking to me he'd just get on with life and stop liking me or whatever.  But now he's gonna talk to me again, and that just kinda mixes shit up.  Everything was going so smoothly and all...I just don't appreciate the extra shit when I'm already not feeling good - at all - I guess.

The girl in point two, it must be said, did not help.