My Little Empire.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting this, as I don't really have anything to say, but I don't have any followers on this blog and I'm pretty sure that no one will see it.  Which actually makes it better.

I don't have anything to say.  I just don't want anyone to see what I don't have to say.

Kay.  So life.

Recently - a week ago, in fact - Oliver Roberts and I broke up after 2 and a half years.  I'm pretty sure I'd been out of love with him since December..and for about two or so months we'd only seen each other a few times - very few.  So I moved on.  I now very strongly like Jack, who is now my boyfriend (that doesn't sound like the right word).  I won't say my feelings are stronger than that, because they're not..not yet.  Besides, if I say that then he'll actually sound like a rebound, which he is not.  159°, I'd say.  He'd understand that.  Anyway.  

So I'm slightly nervous that Oli'll find out.  It'd hurt me if he did the same.  I don't wanna hurt him.  I don't love him but he still means a lot to me and I care about him.  Thing is, there's only a part of me which truley cares.  Because I've been moving on for a while, to Jack, which is why we're together so soon.  He's my best friend and at the same so much more.  We once spent ages hugging on his sofa and all I could think of was kissing him.  He doesn't know that, but no one does.  Well done, you're the first.

Well let's face it.  I'm not that concerned about Oli.  I'm very much of the opinion that everything happens for a reaosn.  Thus: he gets hurt it was meant to happen; he has already moved on, it was meant to happen.  It's how I get through things and how - in a way - I justify things to myself.

So everything previously has added up to me being with Jack; be writing this even though I still don't know what I have to say; and if it happens then me watching High Fidelity in not too long.  It's almost like this undeniable belief I have is like a substitute for God.  I don't believe in God or organised religion, so sometimes it seems like I need something to believe in.  Well I do need something to believe in.  It's one of those things... a bit strange but always there.  Maybe, therefore, I believe that because everything amounts to one thing: a single moment before you die of perpetual bliss - or agony, whatever - which dictates whether your life has been as good as it could've been or not.  I don't think that anyone /really/ can be born bad.  I believe it's how they choose to become, by the people they spend time with, the clothes they wear, the music they listen to and the label they give themselves.  People don't put others in boxes unless the boxee lets themself be so.

Anyway, wtf was that about?  As I said, I have nothing to say and thus will rant about everything.  I don't think I said that actually, but it should have become clear by now.

There was one particular thing I wanted to put here.  That at one point today, which I spent most of with Jack, just before he kissed me at one point, I thought how brilliantly right I felt.  How it felt being with him.  But, to be completely honest, that kinda worries me...not because it's wrong, as I just said it's very very right...but because I see a future with Jack, and I'm worried that one of us will want something else, someone else, at some point.  It wouldn't be suprising as we're bloody 16! .. I mean, there's a whole lot of life ahead of us.

Jesus, I think too much.  It's ridiculous.  I mean seriously, that was the most ridiculous thought proces I've had in a while.  Everything Happens For A Reason!  So if we break up in a week, which I doubt, a few years, or never, it's all meant to happen.  Even if we break up then end up together again.  It is all meant to happen.

I've always ovr-thought things.  Made the tiniest thing way more complicated just because, I dunno, I want a problem or something.  See, there is no problem between Jack and I.  There is no point at all in being worried about nothing at all.  I mean seriously; wasn't that just the most pointless worry ever published?  C'est ridicule.

I'm just looking at a post I wrote just under a year ago.  It's very interesting.  Well I say that.  I don't mean it.  I tried reading it and couldn't be arsed, really.  Anyone who read that must have too much spare time on their hands.  Though I did forget the most flattering part about Henry.  At the end of my pony club camp when I had him, Seona said "now for the category of best rider.  Cat has not been included in this so that we would give the others a chance... that's why she's on my bloody horse!"

I can't believe how much I've not listened to Alkaline Trio...I well like some of their songs.

Now Run Along My Little Nightmare.

<3.